I come from a family with salt in their veins, on my mother’s side anyway. As far back as I know on every branch of that tree there was some sea faring adventure to be told. It was soon to be no different for me.
My mother had died six months ago as a result of brain injuries from a car accident. For three days and three nights I sat by her side, stroking her hair and holding her hand. Life and death became very real over that time, more real than it had ever appeared to me before. Many significant questions raised in my mind about life, death. And of course the journey of life afterwards was not the same. I was lonely having the anxiety of death and my life felt vastly empty, purposeless almost.
Grief I was told. Yes, Maybe.
Don’t worry it will pass and life will go back to normal, I was told.
But as each day passed I became less certain that I wanted my life to return to normal. Why? Because it was making me actually consider my life, death, solutions to these miseries and I had never considered this seriously before. In the back of mind, I was looking for the actual purpose of life and how to get back my happiness. Because it was very important.
I was 24. I finished high school, went to university and started my career. I had a car, I had recently just been in a relationship, and my life as if on automatic would, in my subconscious thoughts, end up progressing through to marriage, children, buying a house, being happy, and ending with retiring on a little beach haven somewhere (not dying, as I said I had not considered this subject). But now, faced with the undeniable reality of my life ending at some point; near or far,while searching for true happiness I had begun to feel that there was maybe something more to life than just these external accomplishments..
To me this loneliness and emptiness I was feeling may well have been grief but what if grief is life’s way of telling us to question our existence and find some intelligent answers to that which we feel compelled to seek.
So how did this lead to my sea faring adventure? On my mother’s side there is a tradition that has passed from generation to generation where a relative of the deceased brings their ashes to the place of scattering by sea. I had known of this tradition since I was six and from that age I had made a promise that I would do that for my mum. I knew it was important for her and told her as such. She had smiled at me, wrapped up in her arms on the deck of Uncle Jim’s boat Moon Shadow, and told me that she would like that very much.
So here I was on the eve of my departure completing my final preparations for the passage that would take me from Eden and where along the way I was hoping in some way, somehow I would find some of these answers about life I was looking for.
I was afraid, I admit that. It was not that I was afraid of the voyage itself though. I knew my capabilities as a sailor and I knew the capabilities of Moon Shadow. With many miles and foreign waters having passed under her keel, she was no virgin of the sea. I was afraid that maybe there were no answers, that what we in the west are most commonly taught to pursue in our life is all there is. I was afraid that I had made a foolish mistake, giving up my job and my security to uphold an old family tradition. I was afraid that what if after all this my life did not change and the grief, loneliness and emptiness that was plaguing my heart remained. Where would I go to then?
I had a little glimmer of hope though. Before Uncle Jim had come down to the jetty that day I had come across a quote based on wisdom on Facebook that intrigued me and lifted my spirits. It read:
“Who are you, you are the child of the Supreme Being; the life particle; an eternal spirit soul. Understanding this truth is the beginning of self realization.”
Somehow I got to watch these videos in YouTube uploaded by Science of Identity Foundation channel. These videos are based on finding our own identity, and I was able to reach a logical conclusion. Further this will help in knowing our goal and purpose of life.
After watching these videos you all reading my life story now will be able to know a lot. These videos sincerely speaks real value of the self, what is self awareness, perception, purpose of life. You will be enlightened to hear these bonafide knowledge which is deeply related to each one of us. You will realize why its so important to know about the science of identity.
Eternal. I had been thinking of this word all day and now in the lateness of the night I typed a message to the person whom had originally posted this
My name is Katie. My mum died six months ago and I have begun to question my life; it’s purpose. I am about to go to sea sailing, I will not have much Internet or phone reception, but if it is not too much trouble I would like to hear more about my identity and what you think about life? I will be able to receive emails. Thank you in advance, I hope you can help me.
I stared at the screen for a few minutes wondering if all this cosmic stuff was just in my head. By brother Sam thought so, and although we were no longer close his thoughts and words could still hurt. But mum wouldn’t think so. I hit the send button, shut the computer down, and lay down on the bunk. I breathed in the cool night air laced with salt and looked at the stars filling the sky above before shutting my eyes.
Tomorrow was almost here.